One Parent’s Story

I remember when we first realized there was something different about J.

It started toward the end of preschool, when the teachers met with us to inform us that J was having trouble with transitions, such as moving from one activity or one location to another. Like many parents, we met these reports with full-on denial. We didn’t see anything wrong with J. Surely it was a problem with the teachers!

Around that time, we came home from work one day, and the babysitter reported that something was wrong with J. She had vacuumed our basement, and J responded by moving to a corner of the room, and after that he kept repeating, “Where’s the vacuum?” Even hours later, J was behaving the same way with us: “Where’s the vacuum? Where’s the vacuum?” It was scary and almost zombie-like. He didn’t snap out of it until later in the evening, after we spent much time comforting him and telling him everything was okay and the vacuum had been put away.

The early years in elementary school were rough. J was initially diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, and we found that loud noises scared him a bit. Eventually, he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. He would get frustrated and sometimes violent, throwing over chairs and desks. At other times J would lie down on the floor or sometimes even the stairs.

At home, J would have outbursts that would explode out of nowhere. We followed some very helpful but very challenging and heartbreaking advice: clear the room of anyone who could be harmed (such as his two younger sisters) and have one parent stay in the room to make sure he didn’t hurt himself, even if it meant he would slap or punch at you. I compared it to the cartoon Tasmanian Devil, as he just needed to whirl around and get his energy out. When it was over, he was calm to the point where he may have cried a little, but after a few minutes he seemed oblivious to the fact that it had happened at all.

J’s journey, and ours as his parents, passed through doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and fortunately a school system in our town that grew progressively better as J proceeded from elementary to middle school to high school. In the days and months ahead, I will share more about that journey, but for now I will tell you that J is about to enter his sophomore year at a special college program for smart autistic kids. We couldn’t be more proud of where he is in life, how big of a heart he has, and how he faces the world with good humor and caring.

This is just one reason why I am proud to be part of the QRKIEZ team. QRKIEZ is a community for the neurodiverse, their family members, and people who can help them. For those parents out there with young autistic kids, we see you and know that raising your children is more challenging than others can realize, but with the right support, encouragement, and of course love, your child’s future can be bright. We’re here to offer that support and encouragement, and to offer your kid help on transitioning to adult life, mentorship, professional help, and even jobs from the increasing number of open-minded employers who realize that neurodiversity is one of the last miles that our society needs to travel when it discusses diversity. Join our community, and have your college-age and adult kids join us as well. Together we are all stronger.

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